Sex Is... is an unflattering, no-holds-barred portrait of Pallavi her life, inhibitions, sexual frenzy, emotional complications and her pursuit to find a deeper and nuanced meaning of life and self through her numerous affairs Pallavi's writing is the most confessional personal essay one can ever Imagine. She never shies away from telling the reader about her imperfect. Impulsive and vulnerable dark side, stripping herself bare and including her most detailed, glorified sexual and primal impulses. There are a lot of sexual undertones in her story because she wants to give sex as much space in her writing as it exists in the world she lives in. Sex is a huge part of most people's lives be it actually having sex or imagining about it. The characters in this memoir are real and have all possible human flaws, as they live in denial and struggle through life's moments.
Sex Is... is a fountain of wild energy for anyone who is stuck in an image of social approval, whose life is caving in, where monotony is getting the best of them, and who doesn't know how to get out of it. Grab the book for a jump-start!
PALLAVI BARNWAL has always lived on the razorblade edge of life, from being born in a dysfunctional family to living through a series of failed relationships. Her unconventional life experiences have enriched her mission of bringing happiness and contentment in the intimate lives of people having worked for a decade in the corporate, she left it all and found her calling in sex education. She is the founder of a sex positive start-up, writes in leading national dailies on sexual pleasure and has given a TEDx talk on the importance of having conversations around sex in families. Her work has been well received across all age groups and genders.
This memoir is an intensely personal and brutal account of people and incidents that have shaped my life. Maya Angelou once said, 'Most people simply age, they don't grow.' And I have known both ageing and growing in my three and a half decades of life. I realised that no growth happens without pain. There is a lot of disruption as the sapling erupts from the seed and rises above the ground to become a bough-laden tree. For years, I lay dormant, buried under the spell of indoctrination, obeying traditions and customs. Then one day an opportunity presented itself and I opened my wrought-iron windows wide and smelled the air of freedom. The autumn of my life had passed and I was entering my spring. This spring tasted sweeter because I had braved through storms in the past. It took a Herculean effort to claim what I truly was destined for and desired. Often our destinies and desires diverge and that results in a deep discontentment. I have seen many people and their families; some families decide the destinies of people, telling them what they can do and what they cannot. I took charge of my destiny from the hands of people whom I had entrusted to safeguard it. I had a string of affairs: simultaneous, sexual, a sexual, with younger men, with older men. I underwent a divorce and decided to not ask for alimony: a decision I quickly regretted after I saw a swish, heavily tattooed woman being handed over a 15-lakhs cheque by her terrified husband and father-in-law. I almost contracted an STD twice when the promiscous man I was with insisted on having intercourse without a condom. I have supported two unemployed male partners, consequently going broke myself. I have self-harmed my body as I tried to cope with life's horrible troubles. These scars on my skin are remnants of my pain and suffering, but they also show my will to survive. I turned my attention away from my child's life just so I could focus on my personal and spiritual growth.
Despite all of this, I'm terribly terrified; terrified of men who may molest or rape, terrified of the feelings 1 develop for men who are nothing but one-night flings, terrified of the innocence of my child who does not know of the evil that exists in the world, terrified of my Baba who always thought I was an illegitimate child, terrified of my brain which has only learnt to mistrust. These fears are difficult to overlook. I both hate and love men; love them with all the intense emotions of my heart, and I hate them for their penises that, unlike vaginas, cannot be penetrated.
But then again, my spirit is indomitable like the mighty Himalayas. I will survive every snowstorm. I'm happy that I have not outlived all my passions, which gives me things to look forward to. I'm happy to have discovered myself, my wants, my agonies and my loathing. I've reinvented my aspirations: from being a nine-to-five worker to becoming an independent sexuality educator.
This is me. Ready for you to read me, uncover me and discover me.
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