Mother As Revealed to me

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On the eve of his departure for Kailash with Mother 1937 when Bhaiji left his Bengai mss. with me for publication, it was his express desire that the book should be published in English, Bengali and Hindi simultaneously. His unexpected death on his way back upset all our plans . The Bengali edition was first published in 1937 shortly after his death. The Hindi edition was also published in, 1957 Though the English rendering was ready it could not published so long.

I trust, it will be gratifying to Mother's devotees to learn that through the. ardour and generosity of Sri Karamchand Parasram Punwani-a devotee of Mother from Sind, West Pakistan, the English edition of Matri Darshan is published now. This edition will, it is hoped, carry Mother's message beyond the shores of India.

My grateful thanks are also due to Sri Girija Shankar Bhattacharya, Professor (retired) of the Presidency College, Calcutta, who inspite of his frail health, spared no pains to help me in getting the book published in no time.

To write a biography of Sri Sri Anandamayi Ma or to draw the attention of the world to Her infinite powers is not the object of this feeble attempt on my part. I have, in this little sketch, introduced only a few facts of my own direct experience to show how She opened up a fountain of life in my almost parched-up soul. All the blemishes that appear in. this work, are traceable to my own personal limitations for which I sincerely implore Her pardon.

I lost my mother when I was but a .small boy. I have heard my relations say that my eyes used to swim in tears whenever I heard infants babbling out "Ma, Ma" with their soft, shrill voices; and that I would soothe my heart by lying on the floor and weeping silently.

My father was a saintly person. The deep religious spirit of his life implanted in me, during my very childhood, seeds of divine aspiration. In 1908 I had my initiation in Shakti Mantra from our family Guru . On that account I had to worship the Mother Divine; and when I could pour out all my devotional fervour with "Ma, Ma", during my prayer time, I found great relief and happiness. Even then I could hardly realise that mother is the fountain-head of supreme joy and happiness for all living beings. There was an over- powering desire in me to find such a Living Mother who, by her loving glances, could transform my storm-tossed soul. I approached many saintly persons and was desperate enough even to consult astrologers for an• answer to this query,- "Shall I have the good fortune to meet such a mother ?" All held out high hopes.

With that object in view, I visited many holy places and had the opportunity of meeting numerous spiritual personalities; but none could satisfy my desire.

. I worked in a Government office at Calcutta. It was transferred to Dacca in 1918 and I was posted there. By the end of 1924 I came to learn that Ma Anandamayee had been living for some months in Shah-bag near the city, observing silence for a long time, always seated in some Yogic posture and would, on some rare occasions, draw a line on the floor round Her seat and have very short talks with people after reciting some mantras or sacred texts.

One morning I went there in a prayerful spirit, and was fortunate enough to see Mother, through-the kind courtesy of Her husband, whom people addressed as Pitaji or Father. it , sent a thrill into my heart to see. her serene Yogic posture. along with all the modesty and grace to be met with only in a newly married lady. It at on e flashed upon my mind that the person for whom my heart had yearned for so many years, and in whose search I had travelled to so many sacred places, stood revealed before me.

My whole being was flooded with joy and every fibre of my body danced with estasy. There was an impulse to throw myself prostrate at Her feet and to cry out in tears-'Mother, why have you kept me away from you all these long, long years ?"

After some minutes, I asked Mother, "Have I any chance of spiritual uplift?" She replied, "Your hunger for such a life is not yet strong enough." I had come with a load of . thoughts struggling for expression, but all were hushed into silence under the spell of Her soothing grace. I sat there speechless and dumb. Mother, too, spoke not a word. After a little while, I bowed to Her and left the place. I could not touch Her feet though I had a strong desire to do so. It was not through fear or delicacy; some mysterious power pushed me away from Her presence.

I did not go to Shah-bag for long afterwards. I reflected thus:-"As long as She would not draw me close to Her like my own Mother, removing Her veil, how could I clasp Her feet to my bosome ?" There was a great conflict in me; a strong desire to see Her and a sharp pain at Her aloofness;- both were equally strong and in opposition to each other. No mode of approach seemed possible. In the meantime I used to go to the adjoining Sikh temple; and standing by the garden wall, I saw Mother from a distance so that nobody could notice it. During these days of indecision, I would analyse the movements of my mind and would often question myself, "What are things coming to ?"

But I had no power of taking a decision. I would often get all news about Mother and listen with attention to every story about Her Lila . * In this manner I passed seven months in- the midst of the din and bustle of every day life with a prospect of meeting Her every hour. One day I brought Mother to my house. An intense joy thrilled my whole being to meet Her after such a long time. But it was not permanent. When She was about to leave my house I bowed down to touch Her feet, but She withdrew them. I felt as if pierced by a smarting pain.

Then I tried to ease the pangs of the struggle in my heart by reading various books on religion. I resolved to publish a small book on religion 'and religious practices. The book was written and published under the title, "Sadhana" and I forwarded a copy of it to Mother through Sri Bhupendra Narayan Das Gupta. Mother curtly said to him,-"Ask the auther to come and see me.”

On receiving this call from Mother I went to Shah-bag one morning. I came to learn that Her vow of silence of the last three years was over. She came and sat close to me. I read out the whole book to Her and after hearing the contents, She said,- "Though after three years of silence, my vocal chords are not functioning properly, yet words are forcing themselves out of my mouth to-day. Your book is quite good. Try to develop even more purity of thought and action.”

During that interview with Her, Pitaji was present. began to feel that a new world. was opening out before me and that I was sitting like a little child before my own parents .

Since then I used to go to Shah-bag. I requested my wife to go and see Mother with some offerings. At that time Mother used to put on a golden nose ring. My 'wife took with her one large silver plate, some curd, flowers, sand paste and one diamond nose-ring as presents for Mother and with great delight and respect she offered them at Her feet.

It transpired afterwards that Mother would have Her food placed upon the bare ground at that time. and use no plate whatsoever. So Pitaji had said to Her once with great disgust-"You don't take your food from brass plates or bell-metal ones. Will you have it then on a silver plate?” Mother laughed and said, "Yes, but do not tell anybody about this during the next three months and please do not make any attempt yourself to procure silver plates". No before the three months expired the silver plate was given Her as mentioned above.

One day Mother said to me,-"Remember, you really are a Brahmin; and there is a very subtle, close spiritual link between this body and yourself." From that very day I tried to keep my body pure in all respects.